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I am tired today. I was up until 12:30 last night, mostly because of… - Vesta-Venus [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Vesta-Venus

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[Feb. 27th, 2004|12:32 pm]
Vesta-Venus
I am tired today. I was up until 12:30 last night, mostly because of writing. I worked on a sonnet. (Hopefully it will be my last acrostic sonnet for while. Not that there is anything wrong with acrostic sonnets, just that there are many other poetry forms that I want to explore - beginning with some Irish forms.) I was inspired to do this poem in September, but really didn't spend any time with it until Tuesday when I was bored at the passport office. Now, out of 14 lines, I am happy with 10 or 11 of them.

Tired as I was, I still did about 15 minutes of Bible study before getting into bed. So far, I am sticking to my Lenten project. (OK - it's only day three. This hardly merits applause.)

Dad isn't going to the play on Saturday to stay home with my daughter (who one of these days I will have to give an LJ name to). Last night, I prayed about how to invite and I came up with the perfect answer - Fairydarkfire. And she wasn't busy and is going to come. It will be nice to see her. I think the last time I did was on New Year's Eve.

I also solved the mystery of no place to hold bardic circle on Sunday. Tyr agreed to let me use his place. Yeah! What a sweetheart!

So, pretty much all is going well in my life - the only thing not going so great is my feeling about my Small Group/House Group.

I had a good talk with Tyr yesterday about it. I've been feeling a bit out of sorts about the group as of late. I was drawn to this group because of observing Tyr with M and J (a married couple). When Tyr moved, they showed up to help him paint. He didn't ask; they just offered. Other members of the group are like that as well. I have been in so many Bible studies or what I call "house courses" rather than house groups. (The difference being that in most cases, people's commitment is to the 8 or 12 week study and not to the people. No deep sharing goes on. No authentic Christian community is formed. And no attempts to really do life together are made.) I specifically asked to join the group and now I am disenchanted.

Part of that is due to how I was treated by J on Tuesday. It wasn't that she wanted to do her book instead of mine, it was how she conducted herself. In the end, I wasn't so much upset that people didn't want to do or weren't ready for "Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them", but that I felt that people didn't want to do it because *I* suggested it. Maybe I'm still slightly irked that I invited J and M to my open house in January and they never RSVPd. I also invited them to the Games Night I'm having next weekend and they said they weren't interested. J said that maybe we could do something else together, but so far she hasn't invited me anywhere or to do anything. (Sort of like "let's do lunch sometime.") Sometimes, I don't feel like I'm really a part of the group, or at least I'm not perceived as an important part of the group.

However, I wonder whether this isn't either a normal cycle of emotions - I was so excited about the group and now the honeymoon phase has worn off and I'm noticing everyone's flaws. Or maybe it's spiritual warfare. I've never been in a group that's lasted longer than 26 or 30 weeks. (Back to the "house course" idea with groups disbanding after a study and re-configuring based on what everyone wants to study next.) Maybe this group is poised to grow spiritually or interpersonally to a new level and I'm being tempted to leave based on my petty miffed feelings so that I won't be a part of it. Either way, maybe if I stick it out for a while, things will change around again. So, I guess I've resigned myself to continue on journeying spiritually with these people, regardless of their flaws (or as "Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them" would say, their "as is" tags). Maybe even to J, I am the difficult person in the group for her. :)
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Comments:
From: fairydarkfire
2004-02-27 03:53 pm (UTC)
I am also glad you thought to ask me. I am very much looking forward to spending time with you and your family plus I love going to the theatre.

*hugs*
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