||[Mar. 3rd, 2004|12:47 pm]
I'm having one of those days when I'm not feeling good about myself. I've been on this diet since about January 12. Around February 13, I was down 4 pounds. Now I'm only down 1. That means that in the last 2-3 weeks, I've been starving myself and going to exercise classes that I hate - and I gained back 3 pounds.
Last night I accidentally pulled the string out of these velour draw-string-waist pants I have. And it did not matter! They did not fall off. How fat do you have to be to still wear draw-string pants with no draw-string?
Today, I am in my grey striped pants and the waist-band is digging into me. I am tired of ending up with bruises from clothes that should fit, but that I am too fat to wear comfortably.
I am so unmotivated about my exercise classes (aerobics and Boxarerobics). They are Tuesday and Wednesday, which are the nights that I go out to Housegroup, A&S, Bardic, Writer's Group, or even to work. I am tired of either having to come home and shower and show up to things late, or show up at places with my hair all dirty from having done 45 minutes of cardio.
I love Pilates, but it is about toning and not weight-loss. Since I started doing it in September, I have dramatically improved my stomach muscles - not that you can tell under all this fat. One of my co-workers is due at the start of August and I have more of a pregnant shape than she does.
I need to do something different. I am seriously considering going back on Atkins, but there is no point until after the trip. I would like to do maybe 3 20-30 cardio sessions a week. I have several exercise tapes at home and all kinds of dance music from various dance courses I took. The problem is timing. My options are: A - I could start getting up at 5:30 to fit in exercise in the morning. B - I could try and do it when I get home with a cranky toddler clinging to my leg. C - I could do it at 8:00-9:00 at night and overstimulate myself before going to bed.