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An epiphany [May. 28th, 2004|04:50 pm]
I had an epiphany yesterday.

My minister and I have been discussing for a while how it seems harder to do things than even 2 years ago or 5. We could never put our finger on the problem. We had work conflicts, cottages, sports teams, extra-curricular activities, etc 2-5 years ago. There wasn't a new factor.

Then in discussing something with a mother, I had one of those a-ha moments. She was telling yesterday me about how she didn't know whether her daughter would be going to the JYG event tonight or not because they MIGHT be going away this weekend. I felt like saying "This weekend is 36 hours away - when do you think you might know." when it hit me.

People, even more so than 2-5 years ago, don't want to make a commitment. People like to keep their options open. No one says "yes" anymore. People say "no" (if it's something they don't want to do or if they definitely have something better to do)or they say "maybe".

I ran upstairs and told my minister, who agreed with me. Of course, this epiphany doesn't solve anything, but at least being able to name the problem helps clarify this frustration we've both been under.

And so, I head off into the weekend:

-not knowing how many kids are coming tonight. I'm driving 2 and 2 are meeting me there. There are 3 maybe's. I hope they all don't come, because my car only holds 4 passengers tops.

-thinking of canceling my party Saturday night. Four confirmed attendees does not a party make and I have no idea how to shop for food for a dozen maybes.

-watching my husband get frustrated over cooking for a church lunch that 20-90 people might attend.

The party is a downer. I got in the bad habit of being the one who always hosted the get-togethers when I was young. Now I'm friends with several people who don't have parties of their own, but who want me to have lots of get-togethers so that they will have the option of picking and choosing which fun ideas I plan they will attend. It's burning me out because its too close to what I do with the Youth Group and Junior Youth Group. If I was smart I'd swear that I'd never try to have another party. But the truth is that if I am not the one to organize and plan the social stuff, I never get to do anything fun. So, I will sulk that no one wanted to come to my place and have fun with me this weekend for a while, and then in 6 months (when the memory of this has faded) I'll probably plan another party.

I had a long talk with my brother yesterday. We resolved some issues. He heard how hurt I was over this party nonsense. He still isn't coming, but he knows I want to go to Pikeman's next weekend. So, he upgraded his "no" to a "maybe". It's the best I could have hoped for under the circumstances. :)

From: mszimbolist
2004-05-28 02:32 pm (UTC)
I really love your journal... I found you through novak. Do you mind if I add you? My name is Molly; I am 16, a protestant-Christian college student, recovering at the moment from a jaw surgery.

And I definitely empathize with your epiphany. *sigh*
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[User Picture]From: vesta_venus
2004-05-29 12:59 pm (UTC)
I really love your journal...

Well thank you.

I found you through novak_freek.

Do you know him in real life? Do you know how he is doing with his recovery?

Do you mind if I add you?

Absolutely. I added you to my friends list, although I don't really post friends-only things so it doesn't really get you anything more.

My name is Molly; I am 16, a protestant-Christian college student, recovering at the moment from a jaw surgery.

Welcome Molly. I hope your recovery goes smoothly. I had all four wisdom teeth out when I was 17 and that's the closest I've ever come to surgery.

Please know that I may from time to time sounds like I'm complaining about or stereotyping teenagers. I work as a youth minister and sometimes I get frustrated about certain things and need an outlet. The truth is that my youth group are an eclectic mix of pretty wonderful people and I only wish I had been as spiritually mature when I was their age that they are.
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From: mszimbolist
2004-05-29 01:10 pm (UTC)
I don't know novak in real life, and he hasnt' been online so I don't know how his recovery is going, but I know he's home!!

teens are very frustrating. hah. I frustrate myself. so go ahead and rant. ;) you obviously give a lot of yourself to these people and I know taht you therefore love them.:)
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From: fairydarkfire
2004-05-28 03:21 pm (UTC)
I am sorry things are not working out for the party. I knew you were looking forward to it.

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[User Picture]From: vesta_venus
2004-05-29 01:35 pm (UTC)
I am sorry things are not working out for the party. I knew you were looking forward to it.

I'm moving on. I emailed a former Middle Easter dance teacher who is having a class party this Thursday. I asked if I could dance at her party. So, tonight, I am going to re-work an old class dance and then I can start practicing it this week.
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